Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Going to let your bridge burn, with your secretive pining

I'm currently in the blackest mood (for which I'll probably apologise profusely later) but this is part of that whole ''being honest that I'm flawed" thing. I'm not going to pretend that everything's peachy when tonight it feels like the murkiest shade of grey.
Truth? Is I'm so freaking sick of feeling like I have to consistently prove myself to you, to be worthy of you. Fuck it, it's so truly exhausting and I'm just so utterly done with feeling like I'm below you. And you, you just don't know me, so back the hell off.
I'm back to wishing I had something, anything that is mine and I can hold onto. Because it seems that there's nothing that isn't bathed in someone else's glory. I just really, really need to find that thing. Someone or something that actually sees and appreciates me for me, rather than molds and tears and picks at me. Finally, after years of searching, I've found out who I actually am, and realised just what is really important to me, and I'm so furious that I constantly have to compromise, to condense that person to fit in with other people. Of pushing, and sacrificing and getting less than nothing back in return.
Truth? Feelings of being bruised, torn down and crushed every single day are getting a little tired. Where were you?

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